Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
