we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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