We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
