He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
