I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
