Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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