I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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