yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
