That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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