if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He felt like a one man threesome
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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