All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
