Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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