Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
