So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
