Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
