I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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