I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
