WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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