remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
