Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
