the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
