He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
