then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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