now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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