On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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