I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
