she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
