So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
