All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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