You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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