my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
