I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
