Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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