I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
