Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
