U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
