lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
