I wish I only lived at night.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
