why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
