Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
