It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
