I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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