A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
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