Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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