anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
