So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
