The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize