when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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