I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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