About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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