So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
