he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
