its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
