I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
