Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
