Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
