You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize