Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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