I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
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