Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
