Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
