Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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