I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you inspire me to be a worse person
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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