I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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