I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
