just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is it because I queefed?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
