theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
did i walk over a car last night?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
